It's all the same

regardless of who breaks up with who, everyone I ever get with finds someone better in the end.

God damn it, I don't know what to do.

My eyes are burning, my hands are shaking, my head hurts, my stomach aches.

I'm so hungry, so hungry that it feels like my stomach is eating itself, but I can't eat anything.

I can't sleep, I keep trying but to no success. I don't know what to do.

Just pretend this never happened.

"I like the way you look"

I too like the way you look

veins in your neck flooding and

those deliciously bony fingers under light of

midnight almond eyes -

you really feel what you play

you really feel what you're playing.

"Hah, you're pretty weird."

God damn it. Nevermind.

Do you ever think

that sometimes, it's all really for nothing?

Titles are sometimes too hard to come up with.

Lately, life's been a bit weird for me. Of course I haven't told anyone really, I'd rather not have anyone worry, or whatever. So I'll vent to you, dear reader, whoever you are.

I've realized how much I want...I mean, I already have so much, but I keep wanting more. I've been feeling like a control freak on top of that. My minds set on the future, because there's so many ways it could go, it feels insane. I miss a lot of people who really aren't in my life anymore. Writing is at a stalemate right now; I can't seem to come up with hardly anything worth keeping. I feel really lost right now, to be honest...completely lost.

I have no idea what to do with my life. It's just now hit me that I'm 18, legally an adult, but I feel far from it. There's still so very much to do, and it's just now getting to me. I just, don't know...Sorry for the repetition, but I have all these feelings and thoughts but I don't know how to put them down.

Long story short, I don't know where to go from here...

I feel like I can really relate to the song "People are Strange" by The Doors.

At least the new Dethklok cd leaked last night. That's a plus.

"Your belly is full, but your heart is a tomb"

It's been a few days, and to think I planned to update this every day. I've been a bit sick this past week, and haven't been able to do much without feeling completely drained. Now I'm sitting here with Matt joking about anything, and making fun of the videos on MTV2's Headbangers Ball. Good times, good times.

Everything's going well. Getting into new music, writing new stuff, I've always got ideas floating around in this head of mine.

Lately, I've been feeling really disconnected with life. I space out, and even though only a minute or two will pass, it feels like months to me. My mind is spinning with all the options I'm going to have to make soon, and all the possibilities my life could spiral into.

All my childhood, I spent wishing I was older. Now that I'm here, I wish I was a kid again, where the hardest part of the day was choosing what to play.